This raises the question: What would happen if Que...

2011-11-11T14:05:32.234-05:00

This raises the question: What would happen if Queen Latifah, playing the role of a talented New York City fashion designer, made a romance movie where she got to bang Usher in the end? Many people would find it weird and unrealistic (and awkward), for sure--but I wonder if there is a big enough target audience out there that would just love this movie and watch it over and over because it made them feel good.

-Dom (again)

While many people will cringe at what appears to b...

2011-11-11T13:26:00.675-05:00

While many people will cringe at what appears to be an epic midlife crisis for Nic Cage, I have a theory that there is also a sizable target audience out there of balding, weird-looking, non-muscular guys that simply appreciate a weird-looking, balding, American version of James Bond out there (probably mostly in the South). I think Nic Cage brings comfort to these people and, in their minds, brings a level of legitimacy to their brand of appearance.

While I do agree he is better suited to the normal guy put into extraordinary situations, I do try to respect the concept of action movies as male fantasies put on film--and the more a Nic Cage looking motherfucker can look at the screen, reconcile his own appearance with the sex and action that he sees, the more immersed he can be and feel good about how he looks for an hour and a half. In his mind, he says 'Yes. You don't need a perfect hairline, or broad shoulders,, or charisma, to be the guy who has it all and gets the girl--In fact, I bet, in real life, all the baddest carjacking, armbreaking, professional bank robbers out there probably don't look like a dreamy model boy with no scars on his face, or like bodybuilding champions--he probably looks like a balding chain smoker who has too much cholesterol in his diet from all his on-the-go, gas station microwave meals.'

For some reason there's always been a lot of shame associated with being a bald, white, out of shape, middle aged dude, especially when he tries to dress nice or buy a nice car (everyone labels it a 'mid-life crisis,' but most of the time it's the age when a man has responsibly saved his money long enough to buy an expensive toy (and why is there shame associated with that?)) and some genius in Hollywood decided it's Nic Cage's job to spread the word: "Hey guy, don't listen to all the turkeys--we're the cool ones, and it's okay to fantasize about stealing cars and having sex with Angelina Jolie, even at your age." Which is a nice gesture. He's keeping the dream alive for bored, depressed, middle age married white guys everywhere.

But yes, I don't care for these films, he talks like Napoleon Dynamite, but it's not supposed to be funny.

-Dom

Comments on Benefit of the Doubt: Who are you Nicholas Cage?

This raises the question: What would happen if Que...

While many people will cringe at what appears to b...